Pregnant mom woes

Morning sickness is killing me so slowly…. It is just starting but I feel so miserable already. I wonder why does Allah giving me this torment during ramadhan… Knowing me, my lack of will is so obvious… today, sadly I succumbed to morning sickness and broke my fast… do I feel any better…probably worse with feelings of guilt…. This is my first time fasting during morning sickness.. I must not break any more fast…. I must strengthen my will …My last pregnancy in my lifetime…


Alhamdulillah 3 and 1 more coming… feeling blessed but at the same time my mind and brain is asking me can I be a successful mom who can create the future scholars of TM or khazanah or JPA or Mara or etc etc… can I teach all my kids to be good muslims and to be good human …. Will they understand their own culture? Many Indian muslim Kids nowadays are moving away from my indian muslim roots…. Despite me speaking in tamil and English they keep on ranting in Malay… I am so sad… I just pray to Allah my kids would not be like the people I hate…People who make fun of the indian muslim culture… Daanish maybe not ,…. But Farzana … never have I hurt her speak a sentence in tamil… have I neglected to teach them my culture… how about my religion … Islam… will I fail there too Nauzubillah..having kids means responsibility… I wonder why I did not stop at two KIDS… now with 4 ….emm Allah, I seek your guidance, I am very weak indeed… Please Allah guide me to be good Mom, Wife, Daughter, sister and good muslim…

Atta. Missing u always… Al-fatihah for u.

crying over spill milk

In this life there is always happiness and sadness, only with the experience of having feel sadness one can truly feel the value with happiness. Alhamdulillah Daanish Berkhatan, my daughters akikah and batrisyia 1st birthday went well.
today i have been crying for what? for batrisyia she is very small she need her mother's undivided attention... will i be able to give it to her...at least till she is 3 years old. How could I even think of making this mistake when she needs me... The result will be known on thursday hopefully it is only false alarm. If anyone to be blame it should be "Me".
How abt my PHD, i have been sulking from mon till now sleeping and wandering around aimlessly till batrisyia come to me after nursery.

Dear Batrisyia,

I am sorry if this thursday the result is positive. No matter what i will try to be the best mom for you. Praying to Allah with tears that i will have good news before thursday. till then love.... bye