crying over spill milk

In this life there is always happiness and sadness, only with the experience of having feel sadness one can truly feel the value with happiness. Alhamdulillah Daanish Berkhatan, my daughters akikah and batrisyia 1st birthday went well.
today i have been crying for what? for batrisyia she is very small she need her mother's undivided attention... will i be able to give it to her...at least till she is 3 years old. How could I even think of making this mistake when she needs me... The result will be known on thursday hopefully it is only false alarm. If anyone to be blame it should be "Me".
How abt my PHD, i have been sulking from mon till now sleeping and wandering around aimlessly till batrisyia come to me after nursery.

Dear Batrisyia,

I am sorry if this thursday the result is positive. No matter what i will try to be the best mom for you. Praying to Allah with tears that i will have good news before thursday. till then love.... bye